It happens all the time. Sitting in church, face to the floor with my eyes shut, taking in the words sung beautifully by the worship team, "There is power in the name of Jesus". .
Thoughts of everything that went wrong during the week just sit in my mind. So I put on a straight face and try to convince myself that I'm okay.
The worship team continues to sing . . ."I hear the chains fallinggggg" . . .
My face is covered in tears but the enemy reminds me that I am not worthy enough to lift up a hand or to give God praise. Although my heart is filled with gratitude because the goodness of God, I am also weak. I feel vulnerable ---- but I don't want anyone to know this. I don't want anyone to see me at my weak point. I keep my guard up. . . wait . . .what?!
That's when it dawned on me.
Why is my guard up? Who am I protecting myself from? I'm sitting in church and this church is obviously filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit, so why is my guard up? How can God speak to me or use me if I'm guarding my own heart from Him? This goes back to the root of the problem, I am vulnerable but I am too stubborn to show it. I'm trying to be a tough cookie and hold it all in because I don't want anyone to see me break down. My brother once told me,
"It's better to be vulnerable so God can touch you than to be vulnerable and the devil gets in your mind and thoughts. That's when the father of lies attacks us the most."
It took me years to realize that being vulnerable doesn't mean you're weak. When you're vulnerable during worship, you are just allowing God to pour into your spirit and minister to your heart. Don't be so protective over yourself that you block out what God is trying to speak to you. Allow God to speak to you through your vulnerability. This is the word that was on my heart this morning and I hope you've all been blessed by it. Have a lovely Sunday :) .
"All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, Lord; they will bring glory to your name. For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God."